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  • Archives

  • June30th

    I wonder…

    Posted in: Musings, Process

    I wonder why it is that changing POV characters has caused changes in the very essence of my prose. Is that a logical thing?

    I distinctly recall after having written a good bit of my draft and reading it back to myself that I felt terribly hemmed in–that my author’s voice, my prose, was chopped off at the feet because I was using a third person  limited  POV. I didn’t think that I could really say things in a way that stepped out side of that character’s inner voice. I decided that it would probably only show itself true in dialog.

    And yet now it just pours out in every sentence with the most expressive words I can find. Why? What has changed in a week? What has accepting the fact that I have to go another direction with this story done to open the floodgates?

    An argument for the power of feedback? The next logical step in drafting–beyond plot now, finally into prose? Understanding that I have no problems telling a story, but that truly I long to show one?

    I’m not sure. Very very not sure. I’ve sent out my new rewrite–very small 800 words out to a few people to demonstrate just how different things have turned from where I thought I was going. But not to my latest critique partner, who explained it the best to me–I hate to bother busy people with my struggles and insecurities. Plus–as freeing as it is to let loose my gifts on this work, I really don’t know if I can write the whole thing to this level. I still have many things to learn about showing, description, active actions….God knows I might be making a whole bigger mess out of it. And by starting the way I have, with this character—-

    I need someone to tell me–is it too much? Did I give something away I shouldn’t have? I can tell you this, by paragraph three, the reader should have a very good idea what the story is about. By paragraph five, you know disaster is sure to strike. In 800 words you know more about the protagonist than you probably knew about him in the whole of the synopsis. Did I grab you with it? Are you so deep into the ficitional dream that you want to come along for the rest of the ride? I can only guess.

  • June29th

    How’s this

    Posted in: Inspiration, Process

    for Irony?

    I’ve been hard-core word editing today, and when I do that, especially for poetry, I carry a small notebook to jot down those turns of phrase before I lose them. I grabbed a notebook for a scene addition–an old one and low and behold, the very last page was about the very scene I wanted to make a note on–dated from last year of course. I think it’s ironic. Maybe someone else would say pathetic–but there is it.

    So then, where am I today….I’ve set aside my fear that I’ve written crap. But I am doing something that I haven’t allowed myself to do from the very start and that is, fuss with the words. It has been all about just getting them down. Well, after yesterday, I thought maybe if I really dug into the guts of the thing I’d feel better–and I think I’m right.

    I am pulling out all the passive verbs and replacing them with action or descriptive verbs. This is just a tiny little piece, mind you just a page and a half or so. The majority of it is actually a several paragraphs long prologue, written in very remote third person, but one in which I’ve tried to take out the passive voice where it makes sense, making sure that the subjects of the sentences are doing the action, not being acted upon.

    Then it transitions into a very up close and personal third person view that is meant to be very intense. That’s where I am trying hard to pull out unneeded modifiers and describe precisely using action without static detail.

    Well, I don’t know of course, but I think it’s starting to take shape. I think if you were to compare this rewrite of the opening scene to the previous–it would be shockingly different–and not simply because I’ve changed the POV character. I’m hitting it on the micro-detail level. Word choices. At last, a dip into language. Editing that feels more about expression and less about plot construction. Oh, that’s in there too, as well as scene construction and all those other things–but just a change of pace.

    Yesterday: The plants were reaching towards him, gorging themselves on his glow, trading their life force with his in kind.

    Today: The broad leafed ferns bejeweled with sparkling droplets trembled as they reached out with their delicate laced tendrils to touch him, gorging themselves on his luminous glow, trading their life force with his in kind.

    Maybe it’s over written or maybe it’s rich with detail–all I know is that I finally feel like I’m writing something that sounds like ME.

  • June28th

    One of those Moments

    Posted in: Projects, Rants

    Yes, yes. One of those dreaded moments when I feel like I’ve been doing nothing but engaging in a huge waste of time and personal energy. There is nothing that can salvage this project. Pure crap right from the start.

    So, what’s got me thinking like this, today of all days? Well, I’ve been struggling with my rewrite. Then after working too much time on it, I had a break through. I caught a glimmer of what I’ve been looking for–rough as sandpaper, but a true start vs. a false one. Finally, a glimpse at what this story looks like, through the eyes of my true lead.

    Suddenly, a beguiling story. Very mysterious. A strange thing he is my hero #1.

    But then I start thinking again. I start questioning the whole premise. I figure that my other character must be unlikable, if 2/3rds of my critique partners urged me to start out from the other VP. And, well, just what are we doing all this sacrificing for any way, hero #1? Maybe hero #2 is not worth it. What can hero #2 possibly have to offer you that will cost you the price your are going to pay? I thought I knew the answer. I thought somehow it would make sense–but maybe it doesn’t.  Even age her up. Even make her everything you’ve ever wanted. You can’t have her. No way can you have her. In fact, at some point, before her demise, I’ve already written yours. Maybe it’s true. Maybe I just can’t get this to work. Hero #2 perhaps you are worthless and Hero #1 really has gone mad.

    Oh, Not fair. I can’t even get half-way through what I have planned just for this story. I’m only 1/3rd of the way through the opening scene rewrite and to spite I consider it finally on the right track–I can’t seem to find a reason to go forward. It’s just one of those moments.

    Maybe tomorrow will be better.

  • June27th

    A much brighter day

    Posted in: Process, Writing

    in terms of writing, that is.  So what has changed?

    Well, understand, I am rewriting the opening scene from another character’s POV. Daunting in the best of circumstances, but there are a few complication for me as the author, the most important one being…outside of simply introducing the setting and the protags– what is the intention of this scene?

    As it is is written, it had intention–one that is plot related, but the consequence of which comes about later. But, now we are writing the scene from my lead’s point of view. This event takes on significant change in meaning. In fact, the action taken by my other character, simply observed by my lead–changes into a symbol, a metaphor for the dilemma presented by the plot–from his POV.

    God, nothing is simple in this piece of work. I am horrified at how something that seems like a small thing to steer the story in the right direction sooner involves so much fundamental change. And then I am left with the question of subtext. Just how much do I actually say?

    Sometimes I think I am too smart for my own good. If I could just blindly go forward like I did in the beginning, things would be so much easier, but we are honestly past that stage now. Everything is carefully considered, the far reaching changes are thought upon. At least I can say that I am not floundering so much in not knowing what I need to do–thanks to my critiques, which I felt had sound advice–I know where I need to head. The struggle is just as difficult, but it helps to know the destination.

    The focus just has to stay so tight. The intention for every scene has to be so very clear. It’s the exact opposite from how I wrote the draft. It’s awful in a way. Over the months and year plus of writing the draft, I’ve had to go back through and pull out things to help me world-build, to create something consistent and concrete about this paper universe. I’m slowly building up a second book of sorts, one that holds my dictionary and a small encyclopedia to remind me of the why’s and how’s. Beautiful in it’s own way, but hard-won and something I never wanted to do. Never envisioned doing.

    Now that I am hard core redrafting, I’m having to outline scenes. But now it’s creeping farther away from a simple outline, past a simple scene description, no–now we are talking about notes before I even get to the actual outline. Notes about intention, symbolism, emotional temperature, pacing….I will undoubtedly have a second notebook of sorts. Good for what, I have no idea, but a permanent record of my creative thought process and sure evidence of my struggle to make this happen.

    I do think, if I were more innately gifted, I wouldn’t have to work so hard. I truly do. But, just because I have to fight for every increment doesn’t mean I’m going to produce a failure. It simply means I’m not going to be a writer for a living. Lucky for me, I did not have that as my goal in the first place.

  • June26th

    The story changes depending on who tells it

    Posted in: Fear and Loathing, Projects, Writing

    Didn’t know how much though. Shocking, utterly shocking. I don’t even know if I can tell this from two POV characters. I may need to switch something around. In any case, here is what is happening:

    I can now see that yes, I’ve had the wrong lead in mind since page one, sentence one. But I think, I surely think, that these two people are so different, and from such different places I don’t know that I can split the POV. I am too new a writer. I think you will come to love one character and hate the other, for through no fault of her own, she wrecks the other one’s life.

    Sounds interesting, doesn’t it? I’m simply in panic mode. I have to redraft, yet again. I have to carefully decide just where this story needs to start, and if it isn’t the right place, then I need to forget about what I have and write something else. These are big problems though–plot and character–not something you can deal with in an edit. No, this is a redraft. I’m afraid I can’t do it. The idea of it is giving me indigestion. Ha!

    But, consider how long I’ve been at this. It’s just so damn hard. A simple fairy story, a silly little thing to read….why no, I must insist on building an entire paper universe in peril of destruction with characters who have awful decisions to make. It is truly beyond me in some ways. It’s like a snow ball. Something small and manageable, understandable, until a year and some months later it’s grown to something I only had the barest glimmer of at the time I blindly started.

    And not in size mind you. It’s only 80,000 words. But already the scope is too big. I’ve cut the storyline by half in order to give it the time and the space it needs to become as rich as it really is. Of course, there is always the chance that this is the hardest moment. The point where it seems to be impossibly difficult–but if I manage to figure it out, all the rest will click into place.

    That’s the shred of hope I cling to. I know that some people would say that if the advice to make these changes throws you into a despairing place, then don’t take it. Maybe it’s not the right thing to do. And Maybe it’s not, but I can’t judge for myself. Do I think it will make for a better story? Yes, I do. I’m still struggling though with the fact that it’s suddenly not the one I thought I had written.

  • June23rd

    Well…some new ideas…

    Posted in: Critique, Projects

    My third critique partner gave me some very radical new ideas verbally and then forgot to send me the written file–which I am dying to read.

    I guess the biggest thing is the idea that I could slow my story down and really explore and show the reader the relationship between my two leads. Maybe it could be very interesting to watch how things develop over time. I had intended to plow right through it, cut to the chase. But I’ve already got such a mysterious thing happening right from the start. I could add the second viewpoint very early–without revealing everything. Limit it to the interactions at hand. Sit back and watch how small little things lead into disaster.

    See why I’m dying to read that file? I want to know more about this possibility. It does mean however, that my current synopsis changes. It might mean more than one story–which I don’t want to do–but, I’m never afraid to go down new rabbit holes. I don’t mind rewriting a new opening. The problem for me is one of focus and direction. If I can just get a better grip on how exactly I am going to tell this story–the momentum will pick up again. I’ve stalled out, but this new idea has got my interest.

  • June15th

    Pirate Coat finished

    Posted in: Projects

    It’s all done: very bright, hurts the eyes, blows out the web cam, but it’s done.

    I’ve got about an hour’s hand sewing and the Jabot is done. A shame I had to rush it. That is actually a very pretty little thing, but I’m slapping together as quick as a possible. The jabot and the hat are really more my style. Reserved. Sweet. The coat is outrageous! A circus tent all on it’s own, and it even fits like one! Lucky me.

    Now the batteries come out and the coat, the hat, the jabot, the boots, the shirt and the pants all go into a separate suitcase with my other hats…as soon as I find a garment cover.

  • June12th

    Getting closer

    Posted in: Projects

    Today I am hand sewing. The electronics are wired and tested. Now it’s just a matter of finishing the actual pieces and attaching them to the coat. I hope to be done this weekend. That’s cutting close, since I really have to get around to packing for the kids as well as myself.

    I might have video at the end. Outside of these items, I really wanted that lighted jabot. I can forget about additional EL wire. I’ll never get to it, ran out of time. But, something for later I guess.

    In book dealings, I am writing up some new notes on the place my main character comes from. His place of origin didn’t figure into my current draft as much as it needs to, if he is the main characters–so more world building–my favorite. . .

    However, I will admit to this…when I read my dictionary, it astounds me. There is a little world in there, made of words and ideas that exists only in that place. I guess I am just adding a few more layers to that world, hoping to bring it to life someday.

  • June11th

    Wiring

    Posted in: Process

    Yes, today is about wiring. I am wiring things. Shortly, I will be both gluing and wiring. After all it is Friday. There is nothing better to do with a Friday night than glue and wire.

    What a crazy thing to spend time doing. I’ll be done though, and then who knows if or when I’ll ever get back to this sort of work again? In just a week I’ll be in Spokane. Another crazy thing to do with my time. And then…well, back to quieter pursuits. Book writing. I’ll be book writing and nothing more than that unless I take up another painting. I should be glad for the variety.

    In book writing, probably due to a need avoid real work–I’ve gone ahead and started making tremendous notes for my next draft. I’ve been able to do this because of the advice I was given. That advice, to pay closer attention to description in concrete details, has given me a lot of focus on. I’ve begun with the last scene of the submission–the only scene I really would not want to cut– the last two thousand words out of the ten thousand I submitted.

    This scene holds the most significance in terms of symbolism. I have a lot to work with: description, subtext and theme. There is a lot I can do with it. A lot that needs to be done. Most importantly, the end of the scene. How does it end? Emotionally, I mean. With subtext, I can change that meaning from simple sweet child-like wistfulness, to an intense unspoken desire, full of tension.

    I guess in a way, I’m wiring. I’m delicately wrapping the connections. Eventually I’ll test for continuity. Once that looks good–we flip the switch and see if it glows…

  • June9th

    Taking advice

    Posted in: Inspiration

    What do you do when someone critiques your work? If  you are wise, you take their advice. Maybe not all of it, maybe not to the extent they suggested, but if you are very serious about your intentions then you take what they’ve had to offer. And I am working on that.

    Even though I am really still struggling with plot and story resolution, I did buy some resources on grammar, description and scene craft. The thing is this, I’ve been told I have something promising–I know I can write, at least competently–if not skillfully, if not beautifully. But these last two can be learned. There are skills there that can be developed. I can reacquaint myself with grammar. I can revisit all the different ways we can describe with words, I can learn something new about scene craft.

    I already have the things you can’t learn: imagination, vision, deep understanding of inner character change and motivation, symbolism–in other words, talent–these are my natural gifts. Now I have to learn the skills of expression. It’s really just like art. You can have talent and lack skill. It’s the people who don’t do the hard work of building skill that never see their talent bloom.

    I am still roughing out my shapes in this project. I am still trying to get the overall picture into balance. I’ve learned a tremendous amount about that process. Still learning the best way to  understand the whole picture and craft accordingly. Someday, I’ll get to grammar and description. Maybe it will be a long time from now, maybe in a week or two. But someday I’ll need those tools, and I will need them desperately. That’s where refinement begins. Those rough shapes begin to take on value, three dimension form. The world begins to come to life. It blooms.

    It’s coming. It’s all coming slowly, but sometime the day will arrive. You just have to work hard and believe that it will, no matter how difficult the course.

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