Pigs with Pencils
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  • Projects

  • September5th

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    Ah Ha! Breakthrough!

    Posted in: Happy Happy Joy Joy!, Projects, Writing

    Oh…how many times have I mentally played out chapters four five and six…I have multiple copies of each of these chapters floating around in numbered drafts. But at last, for whatever reason things became clear this afternoon. I had an interesting dream this morning that paved the way for it I believe. Anyway, now I know what to do. And it is a major rewrite from my draft, a rather big deviation that kicks the story into overdrive. Very good if you felt the read was dragging. Reveals and yet leaves much hidden. Still more revealing to do, should keep the interest going. It drops several scenes from my original outline, but add a lot more in terms of complication and deeper motivation.

    Now to get it down on paper. I can Frankenstein it, from the multiple versions  I have going, only having to add the cap to the three chapter series in order to complete a solid rough draft of it. What you are looking at there is chapter arcs. Chapters 1-3 and 4-6 each complete a major piece of the puzzle.

    Exciting. I’m not a fan of book writing. Too much work for very little pay off, but getting a personal break through like this, where it feels very right–like how it should have been all along had I 20/20 vision at  day one–is truly gratifying. It gives me hope that I might come out of this alive instead beaten and half dead. The beginning to a very complicated yet intriguing tale is within my grasp.

    And I’ll admit it. On days like today, knowing how vast and how many things there are to explore in my paper universe…I sometimes think of completing the further ideas that will never fit into this one volume, saying the words that I know my characters would say if they got the chance to speak their minds, more in depth. Outside of this, outside of days like today—I am convinced I will never attempt book writing again.

    It’s like my beautiful portrait. That thing brings me incredible joy and satisfaction each and every time I look at it. Sometimes I look at it and think that I should try again and paint another. Oh, but it was daunting. Maybe, somehow, I learned skills I didn’t have before. Maybe that’s true here as well. But, only a fool thinks one success means you’re a master.

    Anyway. Going to go back and paste together my rough and not worry any farther ahead than the words on the lips of my paper people. They’ve been waiting a long while on me.

  • August26th

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    Chapter Four

    Posted in: Process, Projects

    Chapter Four is proving to be very difficult to write.  Again, multiple false starts with reconsidering all the way through. There are critical things that need to happen in this scene, but because the number of characters in high, each with their own agenda even if we never see just how important from their POV–being that we are limited in POV characters.

    Still, these things must be made to happen. With so many agendas it’s hard to keep the focus. We see it through only one character POV. That character’s perceptions and needs should come first. It’s why I change my mind so much, even considering chopping the whole scene out….it’s a tough one.

  • August21st

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    I think my first chapter…

    Posted in: Philosophy, Process, Projects, Writing

    is done.

    Six weeks of rewriting the first three chapters and I believe the first one is done, with maybe two to three sentences that need to be looked at. Its about 2500 words–really short. I chopped about a page out of it in editing today.

    So that’s what I am going to write about–what is it that I chopped out?

    First, realize that this new first chapter is actually half the plot line of my original first chapter–it’s double the length in words to tell half of what happens in chapter one of the submission draft. When I rewrote this chapter, I added two critical things–one, description. A tighter description of place and action. Second, internal dialog, but speaking to motivation–as opposed to a running dialog of thought.

    What did I cut? Internal thought. Motivation. There is one paragraph where my character thinks about something and passes judgment on it. That’s it. I do not describe what she feels or thinks with words from her POV. This is in order to prevent myself from weighing down the prose with explaining–telling. It’s okay to do this with my opening scene, it keeps things active, vital, engaging and lends mystery.

    I ask the readers to infer. I did not say she was, happy, sad, scared, unsure–even if I supposed that she might well think some of those things throughout the scene. Its hard not to, because in some respects, it feels like this kind of telling why someone feels a certain way–is, well, showing. It feels like it adds to the scene–but does it really?

    I chopped it out because it doesn’t advance the action. This scene is about action. The next scene is about action. The scene after that is dramatic conflict. It is slower. There is action, physical action..and mental reaction. Here’s where I might falter a little. I know perfectly well what’s going on and so does my character. I’m just wary. Here’s my bet, and why I’m keeping multiple versions…I’ll chop too much. In rewriting these chapters I changed the entire under structure of this character’s life. In the second and third draft of what I’ve been working on these six weeks, I’ve filled the gaps of hows and whys–and in this fourth draft, I’m chopping back them out, leaving only the bones of the beast, hoping the flavor of the meat still resides in the stew.

  • August14th

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    Six weeks of rewriting

    Posted in: Process, Projects

    And I’m at 8,500 words. This is all draft. I started out my rewrite with an alternate VP which my readers didn’t care for. So, what are my thoughts at six weeks….

    Well, I am taking lots of time with it, trying to work with all the things that go into good prose. I am done with plot essentially, so these words are meant to convey milieu, a picture, a concrete place in time with a character the reader gets to know. I’ve stripped out the passive voice. I’ve gone for a lyrical flow to my words. I’ve pulled out my massive thesaurus to delve deep into wordcraft. It’s a different piece. Deeper.

    But my character is different too. She’s changing under these circumstances–and yet, perhaps it’s just the way I perceive her. Was is it to be a child, anyway? And when do we truly change?

    I suppose we shall see. I am considering tossing it back out to my readers, even though I swore I wouldn’t do it until I had it nearly finished–for reading after reading of the first 10,000 words is futile really. Perhaps, better that I say 20,000. If I’m not cooking with gas at 20,000 I should throw in the towel.

  • August1st

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    To be a Master at something….

    Posted in: Fear and Loathing, Process, Projects

    I had a sobering thought today. If I were to have spent all this time on my book and put it into my painting instead–I’d been showing real mastery now. Maybe it’s not fair to think on things in this fashion–after all, I have an MFA and a work history behind me. A year’s worth of solid everyday intensive work would make a huge difference–because that difference would be all about the refinement of existing skill.

    But instead, I’ve taken a different path. I’ve decided to try something new. Ground zero type of new. Self taught ground zero. Well, if you have talent, you can build skill. I’ve always maintained that. I guess I’m just wondering how wise or perhaps unwise I’ve been with my time.

    I wouldn’t wonder about it at all, if I didn’t have this other option. But I do. I could be doing some nice illustration right now, and that has its own great joys about it.

    It’s not wrong to try new things. Sometimes that’s the only way we find new passions in life. But there is a danger in it too–especially if you already know you have talents elsewhere. Who is to say that the quest for my book will only lead me to passable mediocrity–when that same time spent in another venue would lend itself to true mastery? It’s not that I am unwilling to push and try to learn and build my skill at my new venture…I think over my long time at working and reworking, I’ve proven to myself that I certainly have what it takes to at least finish–that’s extremely important to me–to finish.

    But there is no guarantee that even though I’ve tried very hard, I simply won’t have what it takes to achieve something worth all of that time, except in my own personal world. That’s really the truth with any project. But the difference between a professional and a hobbyist is that the professional continues on working very hard at building skill, where the hobbyist is rightfully content with enjoying the work of their hands, skill level being relative and not so much the point.

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  • July21st

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    Setting and Symbolism

    Posted in: Musings, Projects

    Well, following my train of thought, you had to know that this one is coming.

    I’m rewriting of course and thinking about setting as personal symbols for my POV character. In my original draft, the opening scene focuses on an event, one whose significance doesn’t show up until later. But, with my rethinking–I’ve rethought this too.  It’s strange in its own way. I hadn’t planned it out when I wrote it–but it fits and fits solidly into a greater context. Maybe my subconscious knew when I first wrote it–now I’m using it to what I hope will be powerful effect to those who read deeply.

    My character wants something in this scene and she’s willing to risk for it. In my original draft, it’s vanity that motivates. She just wants this thing and getting it leads her into trouble.

    In this draft, I’ve changed why she wants it. It’s no longer vanity–and more importantly, what she thinks it will do once she gets it comes into play…because now this item is a symbol–and she doesn’t understand what it represents when she gets it. She doesn’t understand that the nature of the item, it grants her desire, yes–but unexpectedly.

    Setting as personal symbolism for the POV character. And now a step even farther–Symbol that has meaning as a symbol, beyond the comprehension of the character.

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  • July20th

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    Feel like Painting

    Posted in: Musings, Projects

    I’ve changed my working schedule a little. I’m writing in the morning, and late at night. In the morning I’m editing what I wrote the night before and adding a little if I can. I’m not pushing forward as hard as I did  in the draft. I’m trying to get things close on target before I leave it for a new chapter. I’m planning on printing it out, a hard copy to live with for a while, to compare to my earlier version and my notes. Sometime changing format changes what you notice. The word count is going up though. Progress is being made. No longer dreading the minimum word count, its coming easier as the vision grows stronger.

    I feel like painting though. I don’t know why, but I just do. There was a tutorial some months back that I really wanted to do, it’s very light, a watercolor like style. Pastel, pretty. If I can find the the source files I’m going to do it–once things get straightened out at my house. It won’t be long before the push for school will be here. A big job. Exciting in its own way though. All those new things. New classes, new clothes, new folders and backpacks. The smell of slick vinyl raincoats in the cubbies.

  • July9th

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    Redrafting and considering

    Posted in: Projects

    First, I am considering a painting. My painting back in April was my last one. Time to get started on another.

    Now then, redrafting. This is a meticulous redraft. My word writing has slowed to a crawl, just a couple of hundred words a day drafting a new opening from a new POV, but also considering everything, word choice, description,  background information, character and plot development. I’m also setting goals on my outline–these are what I want to be said and done at the end of this scene-with additional consideration as to what type of scene and how that information is relayed to the reader through action, suspense, drama, flashback..etc.

    I am using the tightest pre-writing mental focus that I can in order to ensure I don’t have to ever go back and redraft like this again. Notes and outline will be attached to the scene when I send it out for editing and I am going to send it as a small package to my readers to be sure I’m hitting my goals, to be sure I hit XY and Z–my intention for writing it in the first place.

    I don’t want pointless scenes. I don’t want scenes that don’t advance the plot. I don’t want scenes where I’ve missed the mark, not saying enough, not describing enough, not resolving or conflicting enough…I want something tight and precise, something where you can feel the inevitability, you can feel the plot pulling you along and it builds in every scene.

    I want to be done.

  • June28th

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    One of those Moments

    Posted in: Projects, Rants

    Yes, yes. One of those dreaded moments when I feel like I’ve been doing nothing but engaging in a huge waste of time and personal energy. There is nothing that can salvage this project. Pure crap right from the start.

    So, what’s got me thinking like this, today of all days? Well, I’ve been struggling with my rewrite. Then after working too much time on it, I had a break through. I caught a glimmer of what I’ve been looking for–rough as sandpaper, but a true start vs. a false one. Finally, a glimpse at what this story looks like, through the eyes of my true lead.

    Suddenly, a beguiling story. Very mysterious. A strange thing he is my hero #1.

    But then I start thinking again. I start questioning the whole premise. I figure that my other character must be unlikable, if 2/3rds of my critique partners urged me to start out from the other VP. And, well, just what are we doing all this sacrificing for any way, hero #1? Maybe hero #2 is not worth it. What can hero #2 possibly have to offer you that will cost you the price your are going to pay? I thought I knew the answer. I thought somehow it would make sense–but maybe it doesn’t.  Even age her up. Even make her everything you’ve ever wanted. You can’t have her. No way can you have her. In fact, at some point, before her demise, I’ve already written yours. Maybe it’s true. Maybe I just can’t get this to work. Hero #2 perhaps you are worthless and Hero #1 really has gone mad.

    Oh, Not fair. I can’t even get half-way through what I have planned just for this story. I’m only 1/3rd of the way through the opening scene rewrite and to spite I consider it finally on the right track–I can’t seem to find a reason to go forward. It’s just one of those moments.

    Maybe tomorrow will be better.

  • June26th

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    The story changes depending on who tells it

    Posted in: Fear and Loathing, Projects, Writing

    Didn’t know how much though. Shocking, utterly shocking. I don’t even know if I can tell this from two POV characters. I may need to switch something around. In any case, here is what is happening:

    I can now see that yes, I’ve had the wrong lead in mind since page one, sentence one. But I think, I surely think, that these two people are so different, and from such different places I don’t know that I can split the POV. I am too new a writer. I think you will come to love one character and hate the other, for through no fault of her own, she wrecks the other one’s life.

    Sounds interesting, doesn’t it? I’m simply in panic mode. I have to redraft, yet again. I have to carefully decide just where this story needs to start, and if it isn’t the right place, then I need to forget about what I have and write something else. These are big problems though–plot and character–not something you can deal with in an edit. No, this is a redraft. I’m afraid I can’t do it. The idea of it is giving me indigestion. Ha!

    But, consider how long I’ve been at this. It’s just so damn hard. A simple fairy story, a silly little thing to read….why no, I must insist on building an entire paper universe in peril of destruction with characters who have awful decisions to make. It is truly beyond me in some ways. It’s like a snow ball. Something small and manageable, understandable, until a year and some months later it’s grown to something I only had the barest glimmer of at the time I blindly started.

    And not in size mind you. It’s only 80,000 words. But already the scope is too big. I’ve cut the storyline by half in order to give it the time and the space it needs to become as rich as it really is. Of course, there is always the chance that this is the hardest moment. The point where it seems to be impossibly difficult–but if I manage to figure it out, all the rest will click into place.

    That’s the shred of hope I cling to. I know that some people would say that if the advice to make these changes throws you into a despairing place, then don’t take it. Maybe it’s not the right thing to do. And Maybe it’s not, but I can’t judge for myself. Do I think it will make for a better story? Yes, I do. I’m still struggling though with the fact that it’s suddenly not the one I thought I had written.

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